I get so many emails with questions from you guys and they’re all amazing. That’s why I’ve decided to post one from time to time. This week’s question is one I receive almost daily, so hopefully the answer will be of some help:
When did you know you were a sociopath?
I knew when I was a kid. I didn’t know I was a sociopath, per se, but I definitely knew something was off. I didn’t feel things like the other kids did. I engaged in a lot of risky behavior in order to try and feel something, but instead of emotions or remorse I ended up with a lot of stolen crap I didn’t want and a reputation for being a dick.
As I grew up I started reading up on psychology and figured out pretty quickly that I was a sociopath. The problem was this: there was a glaring contradiction between what the books said and how I felt.
Everything I was reading indicated that I was a sociopath and yet everything I was reading said that sociopaths were terrible people: that they had no conscience; they had no soul; they couldn’t be treated; they couldn’t be controlled. But I knew I wasn’t a terrible person. And I knew I could be controlled: I just had to do it myself.
That’s the thing about sociopaths: we aren’t what the books say we are. We aren’t monsters or foregone conclusions. We have feelings, but we access those feelings differently than most people. And if you are reading this because you identify with any of the stuff I’m saying, you don’t need to worry. You are not alone.
The research for sociopath-psychology hasn’t caught up to us yet, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there (trust me I’m working on it). For now just get to know yourself and be patient. Be kind to yourself and lay off the self-loathing. Keep an eye on the anti-social behavior; you don’t need it. Be smarter.
For more on my sociopathic revolution, read this: